"I will have it all figured out by the time I'm fifty" and Other Lies I Told Myself

In honor of a recent mile stone birthday...lies we tell ourselves...

LIE #1:

I will have it figured by the time I'm 50.

Nope, definitely do not have much figured out.  The truth is, I will never have it all figure out.  Or maybe one day I will feel like I have figured it out and the next day I will not.  What I've learned is the reason we are put on this Earth is to figure it out.  To continue to learn and grow, to be a just a tiny bit better everyday, or maybe worse somedays, but always striving to get better and learn from those setbacks.  

LIE #2:

My kids' behavior is a reflection of me.

If you have kids please, please let this one go right now. My kids are whole, complete humans; not just an extension of me. My kids behavior may be a reflection of them sleeping too late, maybe not being fed on time, or the full moon, (I mean who really knows?)!!  But it's not a reflection of who I am as a mother or a human and it's certainly not a reflection of my worth or my abilities.  It's also not  reflection of who my kids are; they are learning and growing too!

LIE #3:

My success is measured by my grades, accomplishments, degrees and jobs

Although I do think those are important, they are not a measure of success. Success can be achieved by anyone regardless of their grade, the school they graduate from or the careers they have.  It's not measured monetarily.  Success comes from within, just like joy.  It's finding our inner joy in what we are doing and sharing that with the world, which is our purpose.

LIE #4:

If I try hard enough, I can control how things turn out in my life (and others...a bit...)

I call major bullshit on this one!  The past few year have thought me this lesson over and over.  I don't control shit!  I can control my attitude, my effort, my response but I CANNOT control the outcome.  Not for myself and certainly nor for anyone else.  Surrender (my word for 2023) has been a big part of my journey and one I continue to work on daily.

LIE #5:

If only I was raised different, I would be a better person.

Don't get me wrong, I had a pretty charmed life growing up, but I did blame some of my issues on my upbringing.  Part of this comes from being an immigrant (I never really fit in). But in reality none of us have a "perfect" childhood.  And we all have a responsibility to reparent ourselves and to attend to those tender places within us that didn't that didn't get what she needed at the time.  No one can do that for us. I am working on doing this for myself knowing that it is the only way to help the generations that follow me.  I will never be an able to give my children the exact thing they need, but hopefully with each generation we continue to heal generational trauma and be better than the last. I've also learned that Ive benefited from the generations before me.  My resilience, tenacity and desire to succeed no doubt comes from multiple generations before me of being in exile and surviving.  I carry that with pride.

LIE #6:

I. Am. Not. Good. Enough.

This is a tough one.  Because it's not one I can easily "fix". This is one of many limiting beliefs that we as humans possess in our subconscious.  These beliefs just live there, rent free, where they were made at some point in our childhood.  And because it's unconscious it's not so easy to just call BS on it.  This is part of the work we must do (see Lie #1) to break through limiting beliefs and achieve our true potential.  It's scary, it will take us out of our comfort zone, but that's where growth happens!  This belief and any others you hold are meant to protect us because if I truly believe I'm not good enough, I will never try to do anything that may be hard, challenging "out of my league" and therefor I will never get hurt.  But I will also never reach my potential. 

Here's to a new year of dedicating ourselves to less comfort zone, more growth and less limiting beliefs and other lies!!!!